How you can tell you're getting old

Having recently turned 30 I've been surprised by how little the experience has affected me. I certainly don't feel any older, I don't feel wiser, I don't drive any slower and I still despise jazz with a passion. But there's one thing I've noticed that I'm not too happy about and that's the state of my bladder.

During my 20s I used to wake in the morning and casually stroll to the bathroom and start the day naturally. However, since turning 30 I'm more often than not rudely awoken by my bladder - usually at stupid o'clock - desperate for a pee. And we're not talking about a feeling that you can just ignore, I mean I'm absolutely busting. It's not good.

And it's not just me either. I've spoke to friends of a similar age and they are exactly the same. They too are punished by their bladders for having the audacity to drink more than three glasses of water a day.

I'm also told that as you head into your late 30s you start waking in the middle of the night to spend a penny. That sounds awful.

If all goes to plan I should be pissing the bed by the time I hit my 40s. At least that's something to look forward to.

In awe of Sweeney

At the weekend I went down to the Futursonic 2005 festival of electronic music and media arts in Manchester. I was only able to catch the sunday night gig but if that was anything to go by then the whole weekend was a belter.

The gig was at the Bridgewater Hall, which has got to be one of the best venues I've ever seen a gig at. It reminded me of how I imagine the Titanic would have looked inside. The awe I felt looking at the miles of brass railings on display was matched only by the anger I felt at sitting behind the tallest man in the North West of England. The fella was like a fuckin giraffe and I had to sit right behind him!

Susanna and the Magical Orchestra were first up and they were fantastic; they sounded moody as hell and they looked genuiniely blown away to be playing on the same stage that Claire Sweeney once graced!

Headlining was Jamie Liddell and it's not difficult to see why he is on Warp Record. The fella is loads of fun to watch and mixes up beatboxing, vocals, samples and all sorts of things to make a quality racket. If you get a chance, I recommend catching him.

Knees up

Power steering has got to be up there with the plane, the microwave and the escalator as the greatest inventions of all time. Not only does it make driving and parking loads easier, but it also makes it possible to steer with your knees whilst opening packets of crisps and bottles of drink.

Of course, they don’t teach you this technique when you're learning to drive as it’s one of those little unwritten rules of the road. However, if they didn’t expect people to drive with their knees they wouldn’t sell sweets and pasties at motorway service stations and garages.

I don't know about everybody, but...

...I certainly love Raymond.

In the UK we've had to suffer so many poor American sitcoms over recent years that it's a relief to finally have something worth watching again.

Everybody loves Raymond is a quality programme and if you ask me it's infinately better than most of the crap that's been sent our way over the last ten years. The best thing since Roseanne in fact.

Equally as funny is this video clip of a donkey fainting.