The only polar bear in town.

Thursday, April 28, 2005


The General Election is looming large and not one of the major parties has unveilied details of their policy on bears living outside of captivity. Now, I don't care who gets elected but I ain't going back to the zoo for no-one.

If anything, I should get free fish delivered to my house - sort of like meals on wheels.

Polar bears don't grow on trees you know!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


Well, would you believe it? It turns out that Quickspace, one of the finest bands of all time in my opinion, have not fell off the end of the earth after all.

Six whole years after releasing their last record and they are back with a bang. The new single is called 'Pissed off boy' and is available now on Domino Records. However, because Domino are shit at updating their site you don't seem to be able to buy it direct from them so I recommend you go the Rough Trade site instead.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Bush porn

I was talking to some of my human friends earlier today and it turns out that it's not only teenage male polar bears that hide porn mags in bushes, teenage human males do it too. Apparently, you are never more than 50 metres from a carefully wrapped bundle of dirty books, protected from the elements by nothing more than a Co-op carrier bag and some string.

Why not get out into your nearby woods and have a rummage around. But remember, if you do find anything, you can't take them home. Oh no. You must always put them back where you found them (or in an alternative woodland hiding place) so that others can find and enjoy them.

These books belong to no-one and everyone, all at the same time.

It is the law of the bush porn. Live by it.

Monday, April 18, 2005


I’m off to New York in a couple of weeks and have just sorted out some tickets to watch the excellent Autechre the night that I arrive. If you get a chance to see them live, I can highly recommend them.

While I'm in New York I’m also planning to drop into the zoo and see some of my brothers on lockdown. Who knows, if things had turned out differently it could have been me sat on my fat arse everyday getting fed and watered and them out working on the mean streets getting chased by irate motorists on the receieving end of their parking tickets.

I'm not bitter.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


My name is Stewart and I'm a polar bear.

I was born in Bratislava, Slovakia but a love of MC Hammer and a desire to become a traffic warden brought me to live in England.

It turns out that MC Hammer isn't even from England, he's American. That pissed me off, I can tell you.

Here is a picture of me in my uniform.