God was Mexican

Much like Ozzy Osbourne I fear I may be addicted to burritos.

Since getting back from New York a couple of months ago I've been looking high and low for places near me that sell the little critters, but with no luck. Then, out of the blue, what should I find only two minutes from where I work but a cafe that sells the spicy bundles of joy.

Now, let me make one thing clear; I love burritos but it's all mexican food that does it for me. Nachos, tortillas, fajitas, enchiladas, - I love it all. When you've been raised on plain old whale blubber you sort of crave for something with a bit of a kick.

What I would have given for a splash of tobasco and a shot of tequila with my penguin meat when I was growing up.

Flip out

I stumbled across this site the other day when I was mooching around the web.

It talks about how dangerous bears are and what to do if you meet one. Now, I'm a bear and I can tell you that none of the tips on this site are much use.

Basically, if you meet a bear, try saying hello. If it's a fella, ask him what football team he supports or what sort of music he likes. That should break the ice.

If it's a female, tell her that you like her coat and ask if she's done something different with her hair. You know the sort of thing.

If all else fails you can always try giving them some food. That certainly works with me. However, be warned - bears hate scotch eggs. If anything is certain to make a bear flip out and lose it, it's a scotch egg!

Big in Japan

The excellent Lali Puna, who are on the Morr Music label in Berlin, have just returned from touring Japan. As if that wasn't exciting enough, they have put together a nice tour diary to show the world how much fun they had. Check it out.

Also available is a new collection of rare tunes, remixes and B-sides. It's called 'I thought I was over this' and is out now. You can listen to the tunes for free by visiting the Morr Music site.

Behave yourself, Darling

Oi, Darling. Get a fucking grip, fella!

If you seriously think that by charging drivers up to £1.34 per mile to use major motorways you will not piss off the entire nation, you are as sadly deluded as your ideas are outrageous.

The answer to halting the continued increase of cars on our roads is as simple now as it was 10 years ago.

SORT THE FUCKIN PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM OUT!

I'm a polar bear and I worked it out! The French twigged on years ago to the idea of investing in an integrated public transport sytstem, as did the Dutch, as did the Spanish (and the Slovakians). In fact, most of Europe have got it sorted but England. Rocket science it is not!

If you ask me, the majority of people don't enjoy driving anyway and only do so under duress because there is no other way of getting to their destination cheaper and on time.

The trains are always late, the buses are always late and are full of pikeys and chewing gum and with taxis you end up sitting in traffic the whole time. And there is no use in trying to ride a bike anywhere as the roads are full of psychopathic drivers who will happily knock you off as a way of venting spleen at the mere though of paying £1.34 a mile to drive anywhere in the first place.

It's all just rubbish.

On a lighter note, I bought the new Sleater Kinney album yesterday and it was excellent. Consider it recommended.

Real Reality tv

The state of tv at the moment really is at an all-time low if you ask me.

Reality shows are slowly taking over the schedules and unless something is done soon we'll be forced to endure countless hours of programmes featuring people infinately less interesting and watchable than the ones we are forced to work alongside for 40 years of our lives.

What the majority of these shows lack is a real sting in the tail; a twist that will make the talentless fuck-muppets who enter them, in the vain hope of securing a tv career or at the very least a celebrity shag, think twice before agreeing to be locked in a house with 11 other drama school rejects and emotional right-offs.

How about REAL reality tv?

How about unleasing a desperate and aggressive smackhead into the house who refuses to leave until he is given a fag or a "quid for the bus home"?

How about burgling the house while the housemates sleep and stealing every last possesion they own before uriniating on the diary chair?

How about putting them at the mercy of the local pikey kids by making them venture into the outside world and take a night bus across London dressed as a goth?

How about having a mystery 13th housemate that is an actual, living and breathing wolf?

How about that?